Monday, November 28, 2011

Crossing The Line


I have spoken many times about what this on-line blogging journal means to me.  It has become a very important part of my life.  I love talking to you all and I love the fact that it is there for ever as a record of my life - What I am doing, What I am Feeling, Where I have been and most importantly How much my Family and  Friends mean to me.  It is safe to say that 2011 has been a horrid year for us in a number of ways.  Some of you that e-mail me regularly are aware of a few of our ups and downs but some aren't.  To be quiet honest I can't remember who I've told what. 

I had a few phone calls over the weekend from dear friends who I have met through my blog ( and a little visit from my darling Jo) and some of them had no idea what was going on and it made me feel really bad..... 

It has always been a bit of a problem for me about how much of my life to share on this blog.  I have been reluctant to share our problems of the last year but have decided to cross that invisible line I had in place and share a few things with you. 

Mainly because I feel bad that I haven't answered many comments and e-mails lately and because sometimes when I do get time to answer it is a rushed answer and I feel bad.  I know that none of us should feel obligated to comment or respond - BUT it always weighs heavily on me when I don't answer.  I want you to know that I do always read your e-mails and comments and I appreciate the fact that you have taken the time to do so.   


Many of you would know that I have 4 children.  Samantha, Joshua, Kaitlin and Amy. 

Josh my son who turned 20 in September has had a rough couple of years.  He developed a blood clot in his leg last year which stopped the main arterial root of blood to his foot which began to break down.  In May this year he was hospitalised with gangerene in 1 toe. 

A stent (artificial vein) was put in to assist the blood flow to his foot however the gangerene spread to 4 toes on his foot.  During testing he was found to have hole in his heart.  After many doctors visits and months and the vascular team trying to let his toes self amputate as it was considered too dangerous to fix his heart or surgically amputate, we finally found a surgeon willing to fix his heart which happened a few months ago.

The pain that Josh has been in has been incredible and heart breaking as his mother to watch.  As parents we want the best for our children and seeing them in agony constantly is just the worst feeling.   In late August, Josh was hospitalised  due to the pain and infection and also the fact that his stent was blocked it was decided to amputate so he lost all 5 of his toes.



Here he is with his childhood sweetheart Bec and their baby Mia just after the surgery. 

To call Josh a very brave young man is an understatement.  He is one of the most positive and brave people I know.  Everytime I ask him how he is he always puts a smile on his face and says "I'm ok mum" Since the amputation he has tried to get on with his life but the pain levels hadn't really changed and his stump just wouldn't heal. 

On Thursday of last week he was hospitalised due to the infection and the fact that his foot was dying.  On Saturday his leg was amputated to just below the knee.  He went through a 4 - 5 hour surgery and after being out for just 1/2 hour told me how fantastic he felt.  That kid just amazes me.  He now tells me that one of the fastest runners in the world only has 1 leg and that he can't wait to get out of hospital and get on with his life.

It has been a horrendous time - I've told him that he owns most of the grey hairs in my head - LOL.  I hope and pray that this amputation heals and that he can indeed get on with his life.



Throughout all of this I have also battled a few health issues of my own which includes a lesion growing at the base of my spine which was detected during an MRI for a collapsed disc in my back.  The stress and worry throughout the testing processes to find out if the growth was in or on my bone was incredible.  My family and friends were amazing throughout this time and I am not sure what I would have done without their support. 

The great news is that it is not in my bone so I am "elated" about that - I still have a few processes to go through with it but I feel much more confident now that it's not going to bowl me over.

So all in all I won't be sorry to see the back of 2011 and look forward to a great 2012.  It has to be onwards and upwards from here that's for sure.

If you have read this far into my post - Thank you for letting me share some of the more trying  moments of our lives this year.  Just know that "Blogland" has been a wonderful sanctuary for me and that being able to pick up my stitching and forget about our troubles has been a blessing. 

Being a part of the Stitch A Long and Swaps and friendship groups has been wonderful and I really don't know if I would have coped as well without you all.

So from me to you "Thank You"

Hugs - Fee XX

82 comments:

Kate-Show and Tell said...

Wow Fee not sure what to say to respond to all of that only that you will be in my thoughts and prayers and I hope 2012 brings you much happiness and good times... On the upside how gorgeous is your little grand daughter....You are so lucky to have her and a very positive son even after what he has been through...These things are sent to test us and I beleive you have passed with flying colours...Chin up and enjoy the rest of the year and have a wonderful Christmas....Hugs Kate...xo

By Hoki Quilts said...

I don't think I know of many people who will be sorry to see the backside of 2011..Get ready for March honey, I owe you many hugs. I hope you didn't mind me sharing your back news with Miss Deb as I thought you both had a lot in common, back wise.
cyber hugs - Miche'le xx

shez said...

See no more chinaman,you and your brave son are on an upward spiral now Fee.you are such a positive person and this passes on to your children,love that Josh is so eager to enjoy life,he will make his mark in the world and what a beautiful family he has.
So glad with your results,its all that positive energy,bless you all Fee.Thankyou for sharing yours and Josh's story.ox

Ana Paula R. Portela said...

God blass you and your son, and repair your healthy.
I hope all the best.
You're right: blogsfera it's an amasing place.
(sorry about my english...)
Hugs!

LesQuilts said...

Hi!
Good to know you are on the good side of all of this, it can only get better 'cause you have been at the bottom with all the bad stuff!
Here's a hug!
Take care, Leslie

Kate said...

You and your family are in my prayers. I am so sorry to hear of your son's troubles. The only way from here is up and out. He sounds like a great person. Hugs from Arizona, USA.

Karen 'n Chris said...

What Josh has/is going through is something I can relate to. I have been through an upper leg DVT and I have never got back to being who I was before.
Big mooshy hugs and sloppy puppy kisses to you and Josh and your family.

BillieBee (billiemick) said...

I'm glad you shared what's been going on in your life. Wow! It's was a horrible year for you. Your son sounds amazing. Even if I don't post you can be sure someone in Texas is praying for you guys!

West Michigan Quilter said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your son's problems. I know how much a mother hurts when her child is in pain. My heart and prayers go to you and your loved ones.

luv2quilt2 said...

What a trying year for your son, you and all the family. I hope that the worst is all behind you and that 2012 lives up to its promise.

Sharon said...

Fee, you all will be in my prayers. Your son sounds like a brave young man and so wonderful that he has a good outlook on his life. Take care of yourself too! {{HUGS}}

Chookyblue...... said...

here to a big bright 2012........you have to find the happy medium with yourself as to what to share and what to keep private........
all the best for a wonderful happy and healthy 2012.........
so we'll see your son running along with those amazing prosthetic's they can do now days...........all the best..........

retdairyqueen said...

Oh Fee
Your post made me want to cry
I understand what you are saying about how much of your life to share Been there done that
I have much understanding of what you are going through Some you Know Some you don"t
My hubby is a very brave amputee as well, so I do understand
Sending mauch love and hugs your way

teresa said...

You know how much I love you Fee and I am always there for you. You son sounds like such an amazing young man and I just ADORE his attitude and positive outlook. I wish him all the best with this surgery and hope this will end his pain and help him to recover well and get on with his life. I am so glad you have such a positive result as well and hope you continue to do well. You are an inspiration ... Take care of yourself and your precious family xx

Roseanne said...

O fee I fill for you as our children mean so much to us. I do hope he heals this time. I was reading this to my son and he said how brave he is. I am so glad that you share with us all. We love you so much fee keep you chin UP xxxx

Christine M said...

Sending you all hugs! xx

Michelle said...

Your family seems to have gone through quite a rough time this year, but it's nice to hear how you have all pulled together. I am thankful and encouraged by your post... family is so important. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers...
Blessings
Michelle

Sharon - Lilabelle Lane said...

Fee, I hope that 2012 brings you and your family a much brighter time. Your son sounds like he has an inspiring look on life. Sending all my positive thoughts to you and your family and the biggest cyber hug and what a beautiful grandaughter, those three make a beautiful family. xx

Christine said...

Thank you for sharing, I am sending you and your family a big hug and hope 2012 will be wonderful.
Take care

xxx

Kate said...

Big big hugs Fee xxx

sunny said...

I know how hard it is to share the bad stuff, but know that there are a lot of people all over the world pulling for you, and praying for you and your son. I think that I can safely say that 2011 has been the worst year of my lie, so here's to 2012!!

Noela said...

I hope that all goes well for your son and that your family will enjoy a much brighter 2012. It amazes me the strength our children have at times. Best wishes.....

Jeanette said...

Big hugs Fee((()))). Thinking of you all. I really hope 2012 is much more brighter & cheerful for you all. Hugs,

Allie said...

Darling Fee, I am SO GLAD that Josh is feeling so good, I can't imagine what he went through - he's such a handsome lad with a beautiful family of his own. I am praying that he heals completely and well. And you, girl! Oh my! I am praying for you as well! So glad it's not IN the bone, and I hope it's something that will easily heal. I can well understand that you'll be glad to see the end of 2011 - may 2012 be a wonderful year for you and yours!

Stitchin' time said...

Glad your health is better and to know that Josh will have no further problems with his leg. He must have gained the 'can do' attitude from his parents to just pick up life from this and move on. To add to his list of one legged achievers I used to know a very proficient motor cycle rider and an equally good horserider who also did some showjumping (and won prizes)both of whom had the same percent of leg power Josh now has. With his positive attitude he'll do whatever he sets his mind to.
Wishing you and your family a wonderful happy 2012!
Hugs,
Robyn

Kerryanne English said...

It is certainly hard to know Fee where to draw that invisible line... we all face it at some point, but that said, sometimes the load feels lighter once shared amongst friends.

Sending you lots of positive thoughts for a happy and more pleasnat New Year and great big hugs to heal you.
♥ Kerryanne

simplestitches said...

boy what a year! 2012 WILL be better I'm sure...

(I agree with Kerryanne, it's sometimes hard to know how much is too much to share in blogland....having said that, there are so many wonderful friends and friendships made online, that I think it's a positive...and to know that even if we haven't met, we share your pain, heartaches and triumphs only as friends can!)

hugs Julz

grandmarockton said...

Am telling you that maybe GOD had to test you so you could EARN those JEWELS for you crown. May 2012 be a better year for you & family cause you've BLESSED so many of us

Vicki ♥ said...

Many many hugs to you Fee and to Josh. I am still amazed at his attitude hunny and I hope all goes well for him and for you too. My prayers are always for you and Josh :) Hugs Vicki x

Shirley said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Your son has a very positive attitude and such an adorable lkittle girl. Little ones have a way of making a person fight harder for them to be able to watch them grow up.
I hope all goes well with your back. Hugs and prayers from A Missouri Friend in the Middle of USA

I quilt for fun said...

Like any parent, I'm sure you would have gladly endured his pain (and yours) if you could have. He sounds like a special young man with lots of potential after an incredibly unfair medical issue. Thanks for your courage and confidence in sharing.....hope it helps to know that many quilters are now lifting you and your family up in prayer. My best. Jan

Sarah said...

Far out Fee...

Gather the strength from blogland...

It seems 2011 has been a difficult year for many. Many people have said they are looking forward to seeing the end of this year...

Peg - Happy In Quilting said...

How proud you must be of that young man of yours Fee...2012 will be, I hope a Fee and Family's year....you are one amazing lady Fee....xx

Fiona said...

You are always inspiring ... and this post is too.... I can only imagine how hard it has been for you, and Josh's wonderful attitude to life is just as inspiring..... Wishing all of you the best for 2012...
Hugz

Mrs Shepo said...

Sugar Hugs and Happy Thoughts for you Fiona, your very brave Josh and all your family, knew things wern't good but had no idea how hard it has been. Thank you for sharing.

Jo in TAS said...

Josh is a chip off the old block,through all your ups and downs you both remain very positive. I'll always be here for you sweetie and don't worry I always catch up with the news eventually!!
Lets look forward to a great 2012, especially with the retreat approaching so fast!!
Love ya Lots
Jo
xxx

Kerry said...

I'm glad you have found some strength and peace in your friends. I wish you a much better 2012.

Gail said...

a big hug to you Fee, wishing you all the best for the rest of the year and may 2012 be a good one!

Michelle Ridgway said...

Thank you for sharing your personal difficulties Fee. I am sure all the wonderful energy and love contained within everyone's comments are a comfort.Josh is a wonderful young man and is certainly made of stern stuff. I am so sorry you and your family have been through these trials and I wish you all a much brighter and healthier 2012 and I can see why you would want to push 2011 out the door.
I am sending you Healing and Blessings,
Hugs to you all Michelle xx

De said...

Oh Fee - I feel for you. Entirely up to you what you share and with whom you share it. Just know that cyber friends are just like real friends only we cant hug them in person.

Positive thinking is the key and you and your wonderful son are certainly displaying that talent to the world.

Onward and upward to you my cyber friend.

boysmum2 said...

I follow your blog but do not comment often. Blogs are there for you to say what you want to say, whether anyone is listening or not, is optional. Thanks for sharing but it wasn't necessary, if you are away for a few days then we catch up when you return, if you can't blog for a week no one cares, they just enjoy the posts you are able to put up. Sorry for the year you ahve had, as a nurse I see many of these things and sometimes forget that there are families on the other side. I ahve 2 boys, only little 6 & 8 and I know I have a long way to go with them, but my heart aches to think of them sick or hurt.
May 2012 be yur family's year, may you have more good times than bad. May your son have fun chasing is child around the park and making her giggle, that will be the biggest healer for him, take it day by day, smilie often and look for the joy in all the little things, then slowly the big things will creep back in as well. best wishes to you and your family. Kathryn x

Kris Meares - Tag Along Teddies said...

Hey Fee! Thank you for sharing. I always think it is a privlege to be 'invited' into people's lives through their blog posts, especially when they share things dear to their hearts ... good and bad. Sometimes it's hard to share when we're struggling, but when we do, it's so encouraging to find that caring world-wide network of friends is willing to stand right beside us with hugs real and cyber, positive thoughts and prayers. I wish you and Josh physical and emotional healing in coming months and I fully expect you to tell us in the not too-distant future that Josh is trying out for the para-olympics! :0) Big Squooshy Bear Hugs to you all!! KRIS

Sunnybec said...

This really knocked me for six! We just never know what other people are going through. Josh sounds a wonderful positive young man, which will help him (and you) get through this. They say a problem shared is a problem halved... well there are a lot of us out there that are sharing with you right now. Big Hugs xx

Kathy said...

Thank you for sharing Fee. Reading your posts this year has been a lovely and special part of my own recovery from illness as you are always so gentle, warm and welcoming. Perhaps now I have an inkling as to why:)Adversity sometimes accentuates the best in people.
Hugs, Kathy

Anyinyóka said...

I whish you endurance, strength and health for the 2012. year!

Heleen Groot said...

That is really horrible.Hopefully you and your family are through the bad stuff now, with only days of sunshine ahead for years and years!

Jodi said...

Please don't feel you need to reply, I had no Idea you or your son were having such a challenging time. I will keep you both in my prayers & look forward to hearing that the rest of your 2011 and the coming year are much happier and healthier for you both.
Jodi

shelley said...

You and your family have shown amazing courage and strength throughout this difficult time. I wish you all the best and hope that next year brings health and happiness to you and yours.

Wendy said...

There can be something very healing about sharing a burden with a "friend" but also something very humbling to be the one who is thought worthy of this confidence. It reminds me of a quote from Oscar Wilde I keep written on a piece of paper in my bible.
"If a friend of mine gave a feast, and did not invite me to it, I should not mind a bit...but if a friend of mine had a sorrow and refused to allow me to share it, I should feel it most bitterly."
Thank you for sharing.

Lib said...

what a year for you, Fee. Best wishes for a healthy and happy 2012

CurlyPops said...

Gosh Fee, what a year you've had. I'm so glad that blogging has been able to provide some solace and support when times are tough.
Sending hugs.
Cam x

barcord said...

Thank you Fee for sharing your most private pain with us. Your son is an amazing young man, and, I am sure, will go on from strength to strength. His positive attitude is admirable. I will keep you all in my prayers. Blessings, Barbara.

Mommarock said...

You sound like such an amazing family, that has been brought closer through all of this. May things go only in the direction of good from here on out!! Hugs!!

loulee said...

Popping out of lurkdom to say...
I wish you and your family all the very best for 2012. You deserve a good year.

Susan said...

Fee - its lovely that you have shared this with us - even though you may not have met a lot of people who are now replying. There have been hints of all this - but to know the full story - really it just makes you realise how tough and resillient some people are - and it reminds us of how grateful we should all be for our own good health. Fee, if you respond to us each personally you will be busy and there are far beter things to be doing I am sure - so take our well wihses and hug them all to your self. We will take a 'thankyou' as understood. Hopefully Christmas will bring you all a lot of joy and 2012 will be happier and healthier for everyone.

Wendy said...

Oh Fee, I'm so sad to hear of your troubles. I'm glad you've found a place of calm in the blogging world. I too don't tend to talk about my problems on my blog, not to create an illusion about me, but because I enjoy being in a carefree place. I understand how difficult it must have been for you to tell us all what's going on and you're very brave for doing so. Please know that we're all here for you, whenever.xx

dodi said...

Fee,You are a brave and loving Mother and your son portrays this by your example. I dont know what it is about 2011, but it was a rough one for me too. We are not alone and need each others support. Hang in there , be strong, and dont let anyone tell you things could be worse.It isnt so , you cannot measure ones sorrow ,nor how one grieves. Big hugs to you and your family, dodi

quiltercaroline said...

Thank you so much for sharing all that has been going on with you and the family. Just want to send you all a BIG hug and prayers for a better and brighter 2012. God bless. C x

Janice said...

Dear Fee, you have had a year of it. You must be so proud of your brave son. I'm glad you are looking forward to a more positive 2012.

Lucky-1 said...

Fee I have know of this for awhile now and I have been praying for you. Your strength as a mother and a woman came through to me very strongly in your post.

I hope 2012 is kinder to you and your family.

HUGGLES
Lucky

Cardygirl said...

And through all this family worry, you generously share yourself with "us"! It is hard to know what to share, but despite being "cyberfriends", the care and concern is always there...thinking of you, your family and the very brave Josh...A x

Kerri said...

CHEERS to 2012 Bring it on. Your strength runs through your blood and that's why you children are very strong. Love and hugs and big count down to March. Im only a phone call away honey.

Sue said...

Fee, you and your family have had your "annis horriblis" now. Here's to the best 2012, you deserve it after such a lot of worry and pain.
Thanks for sharing this with us so we can all help to heal.

Sue Pickwell said...

Hi Fiona
My what a time you have had, I hope 2012 is the year that comes good for you and your son recovers also!
Hugs, Sue xxx

Sew Useful Designs said...

Fee, thank you so much for sharing, it's very courageous of you to share your feelings and your personal life with us all. Wow, Josh sure is amazing, I hope that his recent surgery proves to be a great success in preventing any further infection, and pray for his good health and healing.

So relieved to hear that you are okay in yourself. I hadn't realised until recently there was so much going on in your world and I wish you good health and happiness along with the rest of your family. You're absolutely right - thank goodness for creative friends and some stitching projects/goals to keep life bouyant when we most need it.

Lots of love to you Fee!
Vikki xoxoxo

Liz said...

thank you for sharing your family and the problems you have had.Sounds like Josh has a healthy attitude to life now. Pray that you can now heal as well. What a beautiful gd you have. My prayers for you and your family

Anita said...

Oh Fee, so sorry to hear that Josh ended up having the amputation........but how cool is his positive attitude!!!! I have young men of similar age and it could be so hard for him but he has obviously chosen to count his blessings.
Glad your back problem is not in teh bone and I hope you can have treatment to help you heal.
xxx

Mary on Lake Pulaski said...

More hugs and wishes for a fantastic new year for you and your family Fee.

paulette said...

Ohhh Fee! What a year you and your family have had! My thoughts are with you and your son!! He sounds like an incredible young man...someone to be VERY proud of! You take care and all the best for 2012!!
Paulette

Melody said...

Dearest Fee,
I'm just catching up with my blog reading and I'm so sorry of yet another terrible time you have battled through. I think you can pretty much cope with most things when you have to, but to see your child suffer pain and anguish is absolutely heart-breaking. I'm sure all the stress has contributed to your health issues.
I admire Josh so much, I admire you so much, sweet Fee. Take care.

Jeni said...

Oh Fee...i have tears streaming down my face ....i am so sory......
2012 will be a better year ...i will light a candle for you.....
hugs and hugs to you and the family

creativedawn said...

God bless you! It is not difficult to see where Josh gets his strength from...YOU are a fine example and pillar of strength and positiveness. Please accept more prayers and well wishes for Josh's continued improvement and for a more healthy (You) ... It does sound like a year to test your strength and resolve and good humor. May you remain strong throughout the rest of this year and into the next. You are a beautiful, talented, and spiritual person...I'm happy to know you!
hugz

Cherie said...

Oh Fee Darling a million zillion hip hip hoorays to read your news ... you've been so in my thoughts but selfishly I couldn't come to your blog as I was so scared of bad news. There's been way too much for it around me lately, so I shied away till the time was right. There's not enough words to express how ecstatic I am for your result. Good things happen to good people Darling and your worst is over.
HUGE Hugs and LOVE xo.
(ps. my escape plan has been to throw myself holus bolus into running a market, decided two weeks ago, it's like I needed a mind boggling diversion.)

Barb said...

What a year you have had....much love and prayers yous way!

Milah said...

I'm praying for your son's speedy recovery and blessings in the New Year.

Arco-Iris a metro said...

I stumbled on your 'story'and my cryed while reading it... I can ONLY IMAGINE what you have gone through as a mother seeing your son 'suffer' all this time. I have 3 of my own, and and ONLY HOPE I never have to go through such pain.
All the best to you and your son. My heart is with you... A hug all the way from PORTUGAL

Quilt Kitty said...

Hi Fee, Reading your post & the latest one about Josh what shines through is the great love & positivity that surrounds your family. If your extended blogging family can add to that even more then I am sure we are all proud & humbled to be able to do so. Roll on 2012 & all the good things it will have to offer. The blogs & swaps and friendships made have been like lifebouys thrown in a storm for many of us at times & having just read a few of the latest swap posts, I just look forward to the day I get you as a partner! Your gifts are so thoughtful & given from the heart. Love & best wishes to all your loved ones, Tracee xx

Contented Caroline said...

Oh Fee, i have only just read of your year as I too have had a pretty tough 2011. My heart goes out to you and your family. Your son sounds amazing to have gone through all that and to still come out smiling - he is made of strong stuff, not surprisinng being as he is 'made' from your love.

I know 2012 will be better for you and you can all heal together.


Blessings
Cxxx

Red Heads said...

My dear Fee,, I am praying for you & your family. One never knows what our day will have in store for us do we? I am soo happy that your beautiful son has had his surgery. Prayers that this will give him some comfort. He is a very strong man. He has a beautiful mother who is there for him with every step he takes on lifes road. I hope YOU will be well Fee . You have a loving heart & a beautiful smile that I know lights up the room when you enter. I send you a big hug & a peck on your sons cheek for being the terrific son that he is. A son is truly a most treasured gift. Blessings: Dianne.

Cubby House Crafts said...

I can understand a little of what stress you went through with your own tests...we went through the same stresses with our son a few years back with MRI's, CT's Xrays just before Christmas too!
Your son is so brave and you must be so proud how he's handled things! My thoughts are with you and your family and hope you all have a better 2012!
Lisa

Michelle May said...

Blogland is a place to share your life. All of it. Those who visit your blog are there because they love you and care about you. There are thousands of blogs. When you have friends that visit you all the time, it's because you are important to them and they are a part of your life. They want to share the good, the bad and the sad. They want to hold your hand and tell you it's ok. Even across oceans, friends can hold your hand in blogland.
Love you dear friend. Sending healing light your way.
xx

Penny Duncan Creations said...

Oh My Goodness Fee....what ordeals your blessed family has been through for sure!!!! Please know prayers coming from my neck of the woods......The Lord IS watching over you all........What a strong family you are!!