It's been a tough year for me physically, mentally and medically. I have had to come to terms with another plummet in my overall well being and health and have had a hard time accepting the cold hard facts.
I hadn't told anyone other than close friends and family that I went back to full time work in July. I was offered a full time position within the state's health department and I embraced the position and my new workmates and really enjoyed being at work and around other people but as each day passed my fatigue and pain levels increased. So much that, after 4 weeks I was bedridden for 3 weeks.
I had to make the heart breaking decision to quit. I was offered part-time to see how that went but sadly even one day was going to be too much. I felt like a failure ....... I have failed my family (I was the only bread winner), I have failed our lifestyle and most of all I feel like I have failed myself.
Our future financially looks very bleak. I can't commit to any type of work because each day brings it's own combination of problems. If I am not fatigued, I may be lame, or I may be having a fibro flare , my back or my neck may be giving me grief, my bladder or my bowel may decide to have a mind of it's own, my pain levels may be through the roof or the black dog may have grabbed me and if you have ever encountered him you know how hard he is to shake off. I know that many people suffer much worse than I, but at the moment I am really struggling to deal with it. I am allowing myself that luxury for the time being.
I am so very lucky to be cared for by a lovely practice with great doctors. We are all on a first name basis now.
My psychiatrist has been wonderful, he is helping me to deal with all of the lifestyle changes and together we are working at killing off the black dog. In fact he has encouraged me to find a purpose again in my life which is very difficult when once I was the worker, home maker, taxi, shopper, gardener, crafter and overall go to person in our home.
Now on the bad days hubby has to help me dress, shower, cook, clean - You get the picture. On the good days I can do a little but never for very long. So Dr GS says that I need to find a purpose, a purpose to get out of bed every day, to keep going and to look for the sunny days. After giving it a lot of thought I have decided that I need to get back into blogging. I have been plugging away on some stitcheries and paper craft over the past few weeks - Until the house flooded last week (That's another story for another day).
It's going to be a frugal Christmas around here so I thought I would make some simple gifts, made from the heart and beautiful but cheap.
I will photograph each project as I go and offer some FREE tutorials in November so that you can join in with frugal christmas gift giving too.
If you have read this far - Thank You. I don't expect that many people read my blog these days since Facebook and Instagram have taken over but I really do love my blog. I have it printed each year and it becomes my own life's journal although over the past 18 months it has been fairly light on content !
Finally today I will leave you with a photograph of the beautiful items I purchased from the op shop today on the way home from my medical appointment. I haven't had an op shop fix for some time but today decided to splurge a little. I buy all of my magazine reading material second hand these days. Magazines have become just way too expensive for my budget. I picked up 3 Frankie magazines today for $1 each. These retail for $9.95 each. I will enjoy flicking through these with a lovely hot cup of coffee and a little sweet treat.
As you can see I also scored some tart/pie pans for $1 each, A letter rack for $1 - It's just begging to be painted white to put on my desk. A glass jug to add to my growing collection and finally those sweet little metal chocolate moulds and 1 cutter for $2 the lot. This little outing really did put a smile on my face.
Thank you for listening to me warble on. A problem shared is a problem halved or so they say. I'll tell you all about our flood next time.